The Awe of Endings and Beginnings

"It’s easy to see the beginnings of things, and harder to see the ends."

~ Joan Didion

Last night I asked Mary to go for a drive with me and then up to the roof of my building to see in 360 degrees, the sparkling lights around us. I wanted to see it all one last time before I moved (today).

I’ve lived these past 18 months on Alameda Point, a former US Naval base, just across the bay from San Francisco and a short hop across the harbor from the Oakland shipping yards and the massive container ships that unload and load there. I’ve lived in the Navy’s former warehouse, a work/live loft building that is both brand new and historic. It’s cool and hip and decrepit here. A bit of a strange place.

The "neighborhood" is in a period of resurrection as new businesses move in all the time. It’s got microbreweries and food trucks, bakeries and a massive gym (all residing in former naval hangars and offices). And also nightly "sideshows" with screeching tires. It’s desolate and cool at the same time.

I’ve enjoyed it and also have had enough. I’m not really the target demographic here in my early 60’s. But hey, it’s been an experience.

And last night was a significant moment.

Moments like this, endings/beginnings, are thresholds, liminal spaces between one period and another. I’m fascinated with liminal space, have literally studied this concept for years, and so when I find myself in one of those passageways I notice.

This may have something to do with my Jewish upbringing.

We have a prayer in the Jewish tradition called the shehecheyanu which is essentially this: "Thank you God, for sustaining us and bringing us to this moment."

I love this prayer. I mean, what a thing it is to say to the Universe or the Divine (or whatever you like to call the God-energy, if you do): "I am noticing that I am alive in this moment."

I would add to that: "Thank You for whatever ways in which I am held by You in this moment."

The shehecheyanu feels like a prayer you’d say in a moment of beginning. It’s often said the first time you do something.

But last night I said the shehecheyanu to honor the ending, the last night. Because endings are also beginnings. It’s a fine line between the two. And you can’t have one without the other.

After days and days of packing and cleaning and organizing, I wrote my own shehecheyanu…

I am grateful…

…for the experiences I had here in this interesting and creative space,

…for fulfilling–for myself–a decades long dream of living in an artist’s loft,

…for new friendships and connections with my neighbors here,

…for the strength I felt in taking care of myself and bringing my SELF to this place,

…for the times I shared with my clients here in person again, after a long hiatus,

…for the privilege of getting to choose where and how I live.

And…for finding my love,

…for being brought to this moment,

…for being Divinely held,

…for the love I feel from my family and friends, cheering us on,