Painting a Portrait of My Anxiety
What does anxiety look and feel like for you?
I rarely have anxiety during the day. For whatever reason, when the sun is out, anxiety stays away for me. Is it the same for you?
What is it about the darkness? It's the monster under the bed! You hear it breathing. You feel its presence! But when you get out your flashlight, kneel down and really look…there’s nothing there! All in your imagination.
According to Kate Hanselman, a board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner at Thriveworks.com, we evolved to be more aware of threats at night (saber-tooth cats?). And a study done in the early 2000's found that 19% of adults in the US experience nighttime anxiety attacks. (I can only imagine how much higher that number would be today!)
In the middle of the night this is me: I go to bed very sleepy but as soon as my head hits the pillow, my mind starts to remember everything I didn't accomplish or write down today. Or, I wake up in the middle of the night and no matter how sleepy I am and how dark and quiet it is, my mind takes over, and tick tick tick, my brain is off and running.
My to do list!
That thing I said! That question I have!
That flaw in my character!
Sadness, anger, resentment!
The country! Fascism! The world! Suffering people!
Money! My future!
That thing that person said to me!
That thing that person did to me!
My children!
The list is long; I could go on. (What’s on your list?)
Rarely does the tirade end well. Sometimes I get up and write. Sometimes I remember all the tools I have to manage my anxious mind.*
It’s not just my mind, though. It’s my heart too, racing racing racing.
Sometimes I get up and art journal when I am overtaken by my anxious mind. I’ve art journaled about this since I first learned the practice in 2012 (above). It helped then and it helps now.
There’s something very satisfying about seeing my anxiety on the page represented with color and pattern and visual imagery and metaphor. There's also something transformative about doing something with my anxiety rather than laying in bed feeling that I'm being persecuted by it.
Art journaling my anxiety is validating and healing. My anxiety’s portrait looks far less ferocious on paper than it feels in my body in the middle of the night.
There are lots of ways to manage middle-of-the-night anxiety. But if you haven’t tried art journaling, highly recommend it!
*My middle-of-the-night anxiety tools:
Breathe slowly.Ground into what you feel, see, and hear.Distract your mind with a book or a quiet story, music or sounds.Hold a soft stuffy.Cover yourself with a weighted blanket.Ask your partner, if you have one nearby, to hold you.Get up and turn on the light and shake it off in the harsh light of reality.Art journaling!
I have some fantastic programs coming up soon and it’s not too early to sign up!
Navigating Holiday Grief Virtual Retreat, Thursday, October 30th - FREE
The Rekindle Retreat 2026 - In Person - Early Bird Discount on NOW
The Way of Transition 10 Week Deep Dive - Online
Another great podcast episode is out!
⇢ Healing Hearts Podcast with Liz Quinn: Navigating Grief with Creativity with Susie Stonefield
